


but i can't give you what you want (if you don't want it from me)

by cheschi



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 4+1, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Secret Santa 2020, Slow Burn, idek, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28632654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheschi/pseuds/cheschi
Summary: They watch the ocean: the slow pull, the heavy push, the roar of the waves.or, four times Zuko and Katara's relationship is defined by silence and one time it is not
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	but i can't give you what you want (if you don't want it from me)

**Author's Note:**

> it's been soooo long since i wrote zk even though i talk about them all the time so i'm a bit rusty!!! so sorry for the late gift bc i have been in quarantine and super busy lately but merry christmas, imani!!!!!!! <3
> 
> title from deep burn blue by the paper kites aka the zutara anthem of the year

i.

Zuko's life is defined by periods of before and after. It's simple. Before speaking out against his father, and then after the Agni Kai. Before finding the Avatar, and then after the explosion in the the South. 

There is only the period before the catacombs, and then after the catacombs. The Avatar was alive, and then he was not. Before he was the banished prince, and after he is the prodigal son with an honor that is finally his to claim. 

The Caldera greets him upon his return, unforgiving in its heat, and he thinks the capital knows no other way to welcome him home. In some ways it is as unsettling as his sister's lack of barbs, as Ozai's deep nod as he acknowledges Zuko for the first time in three years, as the servants following him everywhere to attend to his every need, almost like nothing has changed. 

There is a hollow period between what happens in the catacombs and the unfurling of all the events after that. It's the period when Zuko looks into the mirror and the scar looks prominent and more angry than it did in the three years he was sailing around the world to hunt down the Avatar. He closes his eyes and puts his hand on his scar. The sound that rings most vividly in his mind is the guttural scream that escaped Katara when Azula's lightning cast Aang down from the sky, the place between Earth and the Spirit World. 

He thinks of the moments in the catacombs before the rest of the world burst in, imagines the featherlight touch on his cheek, cool against his skin. Not pitying, but understanding somehow. He can tell it was from those brief moments alone. He doesn't know what would've happened if they had not been interrupted. Perhaps his scar would be healed. Perhaps he would not be in the palace right now. Perhaps he would be dead instead of Aang. It is silence from that moment of imagined futures that haunts him the most, so he rings the gong, calls a servant, and fills his world with sound once more. 

ii.

It's the first few weeks in the Western Air Temple that are the longest.

It makes sense, because they're literally living with the world turned upside down. Up is down, floors are on the ceiling, bad is good, Zuko is on their side now, and everyone else on the team accepts this shift in the universe as a fact.

Zuko takes every sharp look from her and every icy huff in silence. It's the least he can do, she thinks.

Her anger simmers, and she is sure he can feel it even here, waves away. Katara takes some sort of comfort in that. It's spiteful and it's vindictive, but it's real and it's raw and she has every right to feel the anger that burns under her skin every time she looks at him. She hears Aang's voice in her head but the only face that comes to mind is her mother's, and that is more than enough. 

Part of her screams that is not worth it to yell at him. But oh, how she wants to scream at him. For making her regret kindness, to ask him why he betrayed them, to unleash years of pent-up hatred against the crimes of his nation. 

But part of her, the part that she is too afraid to admit to, whispers that her silence is the only thing keeping her strong. When her anger is exhausted and all she is left with is a heaving chest and blood pumping in her ears, there’s a deep-seated fear that she will just crash. Like the anger is going to take out everything in her, and the only thing left will be grief and heartache that she's never fully healed from. Part of Katara is scared that once the anger is out, her grief will rise to the surface and consume her like a tsunami.

There is no room to show such emotion, not now.

Dawn comes, and she finds Zuko outside her tent, his head hanging in his hands. 

She walks past him.

iii. 

They sit on the bridge a week after the Southern Raiders. For the first time, the silence between them is comfortable. 

The moon outlines Katara and the normally hard set of her eyes when she looks at him has turned neutral, almost soft tonight as they stare into the great expanse. He thinks of their conversation on the way home from the journey. 

_"What would you have done?"_

_"I would have stood by you either way. It was entirely your choice to make."_

_She paused for a moment, and then turned her attention back to the steering Appa as the horizon came into view. He watched her stiff form for a few moments and then closed his eyes._

The weight of forgiveness hangs heavy around him, and Zuko isn't sure if he is strong enough to bear its lightness.

Something threatens to break the silence in that moment. There's something momentous around them, and the air almost hums. Both of them open their mouths, and then promptly close it. They watch the ocean: the slow pull, the heavy push, the roar of the waves. It is better this way. It is easier this way.

iv. 

The world rages on and the crown prince of the Fire Nation is in her arms and the only thing she can hear is a lack of a heart beat. For a few moments, silence envelops them and it pins down her throat and it feels like she can't breathe. 

Her hands are on his ribs and she hovers over the planes of his chest, straining to hear the sound of any life.

You're a warrior, she wants to say, but the words don't make it past her throat. _Fight_. 

She is not sure if she is talking to herself or Zuko.

Before does not matter now. She doesn't - cannot - bring herself to think about what just happened moments before this. Azula shifting her target, Zuko sacrificing himself in front of a moving lightning bolt, Katara bringing Azula down and chaining her in something that didn't really feel like victory. Perhaps it will matter later but none of it matters now. The only thing that counts is what happens after this moment. 

Katara _pushes_. She closes her eyes and wills herself to heal because it's the only thing she can do and what she needs to _do_.

After a moment, Zuko gasps for air. It's a shaky sound, like a newborn learning how to breathe for the first time, but she can hear the breathing through corrupted lungs and that is enough. Spirits, it is enough for now. 

A sound escapes her finally, and it sounds like a choking relief. 

v.

When he looks at Katara after his coronation, he feels warm. She takes his hand guides the lotus in it to her hair, tucking it in gently.

"Hi," he says.

"Hey," she says.

"Master Katara," he bows deeply.

Katara matches his gesture, and there's humor in her voice. "Fire Lord Zuko."

Katara offers him a smile, and the world turns on its axis. The light in her eyes, the shine of her smile - if a girl from the Southern Water Tribe can smile at a Fire Nation boy with something like friendship, if Katara can look at him like she doesn't see a prince or a Fire Lord or a scar but just _Zuko_ even after all has been said and done - if even only in that moment alone, he thinks he can believe that they can restore the world. 

From here on the balcony, he can hear the sounds from inside - Sokka yelling about how Toph spilled ink on his artwork, Suki laughing at all of them, Aang pointing out one of the paintings with Toph, Iroh humming a tune as he readies another pot of tea for them all. These are sounds he's gotten used to. 

When he and Katara fall into a quiet embrace outside the Jasmine Dragon and Katara fits into the crook of his neck and his head rests on top of hers like twin souls coming together after an eternity, it feels like coming home. 

**Author's Note:**

> happy holidays all if u liked it leave a comment <3


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